Never Let Me Go
by GhostlyMostly
Summary: He was the light to her dark world but it couldn't possibly be that easy, right? Kaito x Luka Rated: M for later chapters..
1. Be Still

_Never Let Me Go_

_If you forget the way to go_  
_And lose where you came from_  
_If no one is standing beside you_  
_Be still and know I am_

_Be Still - The Fray_

* * *

I laid on my bed in the dark, my only source of light coming from the moonlight outside my balcony window. I closed my eyes, so many things were happening tomorrow. I was going to be a high school student within less than twenty-four hours and for some reason I didn't feel prepared for that. Although I didn't show it I just smiled and say I was excited.

"Luka-chan," Kaito whispered as he slid open my balcony door. I sat up,

"Kaito-kun?" I should be used to Kaito coming to my room all hours of the night, although he hadn't been visiting like he used to lately.

He sighed in relief and sat on the floor by my bed. "I was hoping you weren't asleep," I raised an eyebrow,

"What's wrong?" But I already knew the answer, Kaito was nervous just like me. Kaito was always better at showing his emotions then I ever was.

"I don't want to go to school!" I smirked,

"I don't either." He smiled deviously,

"Wanna skip the first day?" I giggled and shook my head,

"But we'd still have to go anyways." He smiled that smile, it was so radiant and looked so perfect on him. I loved that smile.

I thought about tomorrow and sighed, I really didn't want to go. But if I had Kaito I guess it wouldn't be so bad…right?

Kaito stood up and glanced at my clock, it was already one am.

"Well I'm going to go get some ice cream and go to bed." Kaito loved his ice cream.

"Don't forget to brush your teeth!" He patted my head,

"Try to get some sleep Luka, tomorrow won't be so bad. Besides! You have me." I smiled and nodded, Kaito could always see through me and I was grateful for that.

"Goodnight."

* * *

Kaito and I grew up together we've always lived next door to each other since we were babies. We grew up like siblings but sometimes it felt different than just a sibling's relationship. It felt closer, I didn't know how to explain it but his presence always brought me endless joy. But I didn't have a good feeling about this year and high school. I knew better, high school was going to be different and I was afraid of change.

Kaito and I were growing up. That scared me. Kaito was getting so tall and very big; his voice was deeper than last year too. I remember when we graduated middle school all the girls loved him and I grew confused when he never agreed to date any of them – especially the pretty ones.

"_I don't have time! I have basketball practice remember?"_ That was what he said when I questioned him. I didn't like the idea of growing up one bit. Kaito was getting so handsome and I was so plain – still. I was always teased for my glasses and the things I liked. Although I always had a sharp mouth to defend myself, Kaito was always there to help me, even fighting some boys that would pick on me.

"_Why did you do that?" I yelled as I put a band aide on his cheek,_

"_They're cowards!"_

I woke up and I didn't feel like I slept at all; I just kept thinking.

I got up and looked at myself in the mirror. _I'm going to get wrinkles if I keep worrying._

My hair was growing so long and thick I really didn't know what to do with my hair. I silently braided it as I began putting on my new uniform.

It was very plain, just a normal navy and white uniform with a red tie. I sighed, it made me look worse. I ignored my distaste and opened my balcony door as I walked over to the edge.

"Kaito-kun! Ready?" I called,

"Hai!" He called back; I took that as my signal as I jumped to his side of the balcony and opened his sliding door that was identical to mine.

He sat there with a bowl of ice cream beside him as he played video games,

"How long have you been up?" I questioned, he was dressed but it looked like he's _been _ready.

"I never slept." He said and glanced at the clock; he quickly finished his ice cream and shut off his game.

"Let's go."

"No." He raised an eyebrow,

I dragged him to his bathroom,

"Not until you brush your teeth." He grabbed his toothbrush,

"I already did!" I glared but he obeyed me anyways. I smiled when he finished as we walked out the door.

"You should be lucky to have someone like me! You'd have cavities if I wasn't here." He smiled,

"Who said you could leave me? You're not allowed." I giggled and felt so warm. Kaito always made me feel treasured and sometimes even my heart would beat so fast. I wonder why?

I laughed and he looked at me,

"W-why are you laughing?" I patted Kaito's arm,

"You make me happy!" I said not really realizing my words; he turned and looked the other way. For some reason it looked like he was blushing?

When we arrived to the school it seemed like all eyes were on us, well, Kaito actually. All the girls seemed to stop and look at him - some even whispering saying,

"_Whose that!?" _

"_What's his name?"_

"_Who's that plain girl next to him?"_

I felt offended, I hated that title; plain girl. I already knew I was plain wasn't that enough? I pushed up my glasses and glanced at Kaito. He seemed unfazed by the whispers and the girls blushing and for some reason it made me…I dunno, happy? Was that selfish?

We looked to see what classes we were in, although we already knew the answer. We were together again this year and he smiled at me.

"Looks like another year together Luka-chan," I nodded, secretly I was screaming and jumping up in my mind.

"Hah! Look!" He pointed to the class rank with a face of triumph.

"Watch out Luka, looks like somebody has taken your place." I raised my eyebrow,

"Cocky aren't we? Well challenge accepted" I said and walked passed him, he followed.

Although Kaito was sometimes an idiot he was actually really smart. We were both naturally good at our studies although Kaito was blessed with the whole package. He was gifted in so many things; he was basketball captain and the star of the team, he was second in the class rank (I won last year), and he was handsome! Believe me the list could go on, Kaito was simply too perfect. If we didn't grow up together I wonder if he'd talk to a gloomy person like me.

He was radiant and glowed every time he talks and smiles.

* * *

I sighed when we finally got home. I was very tired; I didn't know how I could possibly keep up this weekly schedule. I got so used to being lazy during the summer.

I didn't like today. Everyone loved Kaito (who wouldn't?) everyone seemed to gather around him and talk and laugh like they were under his spell. I was sitting right next to him but I felt so far away. I didn't like that. I was even a little envious, how did he do that? He seemed to be able to have people always around him effortlessly. Everyone wanted to know him and be his friend. Kaito was all I had, he was my only friend. But I felt so far away from him.

His new friends offered to have lunch with him and even hangout after school. But he refused and I asked him why.

"_I didn't want to go to karaoke; I wanted to get ice cream with you."_

_Although I was happy he wanted to be with me I didn't want to burden him. He slung his arm around my shoulders as we continued walking home._

"_It's more fun with you Luka, you're not noisy like all those other girls going kyaa, kyaa~" He said the last part girly, I giggled._

Was I holding him back? I couldn't seem to shake the feeling as I drifted to a deep sleep.

_Why was everything so bright? I looked down at my outfit; I was wearing a white sundress with my hair flowing. Was this really me? Oh that's right, I was dreaming. I continued walking bare footed through the eternal light. I slightly panicked, I wasn't dead right?_

"_Luka," A voice called for me, I turned towards the voice and it was him._

"_Kaito," I whispered, he held my hands and hugged me tightly._

"_Don't go." He whispered and I instantly felt pulling, something was pulling me away from Kaito! I tried to hold onto him tighter but I was pulled away. Another woman walked up to Kaito and took my place, she kissed him..._

My eyes opened what the bloody hell was that? My head hurts, was that supposed to be a nightmare? I wasn't sure. I glanced at my clock it was four am, we'd be getting ready for school soon. But I wanted to see him now.

I got up and walked to my door and opened it, the spring night air filling me. I breathed deeply and sighed, what was I doing? I just couldn't control myself. I crawled over to Kaito's balcony and opened his door. He always left it unlocked. He was sleeping and I sat on the floor beside his bed, he stirred and blinked.

"Luka…?" I was silent as I closed my eyes,

"Hmm?" There was silence did he go back to sleep?

"Nightmare?" He asked in a hoarse voice. The moon was reflecting on his soft pale skin and I began singing lightly or maybe I was humming? It appears he fell asleep and I was as well.

I should probably leave but I didn't want to. I didn't want to leave him so I stayed by his side the only place I ever felt so safe and comfortable.

* * *

**Soo…Well this is interesting chapter eh? Well this is my first Vocaloid fic and I fell completely in love with Luka Megurine. I can't help it! She's so beautiful and mysterious…Her songs remind me of a Japanese Adele with a twist. I also wanted to write a Kaito x Luka fic because let's face it, they don't get enough love! Make sure to leave a review!**


	2. Come Back When You Can

_Never Let Me Go_

_Come back, I'll help you stand.  
Let go and hold my hand.  
If all you wanted was me, I'd give you nothing less.  
So come back when you can_

_Come Back When You Can - Barcelona_

* * *

What was that smell? It smelt like strawberries…like Luka.

I immediately sat up and peered down at my childhood friend; I couldn't look away. Her eyelashes were so dark and long; and her hair, her hair cascaded and framed her face perfectly – the perfect contrast to her pale skin. When was it when she became a woman?

Her white night gown wasn't helping my already beating heart. This was getting dangerous.

"Luka," I called softly, she didn't budge nor move. I got off the bed and kneeled beside her,

"Hey sleepy head we have school." I tried again; Luka was always a hard sleeper when she wanted to be. I sighed and leaned down next to her ear,

"Tuna," I whispered, her eyes shot open and I began laughing. Her expression looked so cute, she was embarrassed.

"W-what?" She asked irritated, she looked so beautiful even when she was angry.

"Nothing~" I teased, she glared and I smiled. She punched my arm and stood up,

"Ach, that's a good right hook you got there." She walked to the balcony and climbed back to her side,

"Whatever" I heard her say before she closed her door. I smiled still, when did my heart beat so fast around Luka?

* * *

I looked at the mirror and stared at my reflection. I frowned and looked down; my breasts grew again and my bra can't hold them in for much longer. _I'll have to buy new ones after school…_

My body was getting very uncomfortable; everything I owned was not fitting properly. _Maybe I should get a job and buy a new wardrobe. Even the basics aren't fitting!_

I inwardly sighed; I can't possibly have Kaito go with me. I blushed, that's far too embarrassing! Even plain people like me have pride! I nodded silently while still standing in my underwear,

"Luka-chaann!" My eyes widened as I hurriedly pulled my uniform on.

* * *

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like without Kaito. It would probably be awfully lonely without him. My house was always empty, my parents were hard workers and I admired that but…I hardly see them? My father works in a huge company and takes extensive business trips to America, my mother works at another company in England. I basically lived on my own and sometimes I felt emptiness but somehow Kaito filled that large void in my heart.

And for that I'm grateful. Does Kaito think the same way? He couldn't possibly; he had loving parents and an older sister. I envy that life; I wish I had a family like Kaito's.

I watch lazily as the teacher went on with his lecture. School was so simple, when was the bell going to ring-

_Brrriinnnnggggg_

I sighed out of relief and hurried out the door. I spotted Kaito already outside the classroom surrounded by people. This was my chance to get away before-

"Hey! Megurine!" Kaito called, there was no getting out of this one…He walked out of the crowd that surrounded him and approached me.

"Ready to go home?" The other girls seemed to glare at me,

"I actually have to go somewhere." He raised an eyebrow surprised,

"Where?" He questioned, oh god what was I going to say? '_I can't, I have to go buy new bras because mine is suffocating me.'_ Yeah right.

"The, uh, spa?" Why am I so lame? He knows I'm lying through my teeth!

His gaze never left mine when he finally sighed, "Fine," My eyes widened. He didn't buy it but he's letting me go? Why did that seem too easy?

"Kaito-kun! You should come with us instead; we're getting a bite to eat!" The teal haired girl called, I smiled lightly at Kaito.

"Go." I whispered and turned towards the exit.

* * *

It felt weird without Kaito walking beside me. The streets seemed so much longer and crowded; Kaito always cleared the way for me. I sound pathetic don't I? I seem to rely on Kaito so much, he was always my anchor. He could of let me sink but never did…He kept me afloat he kept me from falling.

"Hello~" The woman was flashy and bright, "How can I help you?" I blushed lightly,

"I-uh, I need to buy a few bras and underwear." Why was I so awkward? This was her job I shouldn't feel embarrassed. I wasn't used to such feminine boutiques and I always felt out of place. Her eyes trailed from my face to my feet.

"Right this way hun, I think I know the bra that suits you." She led me across the huge boutique towards the back of the store.

"Here, these seem perfect for you. They look like your size." She practically shoved me several bras towards me.

"Uh, okay" I murmured, right before I could ask her where the dressing rooms were she somehow took off. I sighed; she seemed a bit rude I guess she's just busy. I searched the store for the dressing room which luckily wasn't too far.

I walked into the dressing room and began undressing.

…This had to be a joke right? Out of the huge store of colorful, lacey bras she gave me basic plain bras that were at the complete back of the store, the bra was barely bigger than the bra that I already owned. I sighed, this was exhausting.

She was basically calling me plain, I've heard it so many times but why did it always leave an awful sting? Why did I even care anymore? But it still hurt and the pain was still there, why did I even come here?

I walked to the cash register and not bothering I pulled out my wallet ready to pay for the damned things. I already came I guess I'll just buy these…

"Um miss?" I looked up at the cashier who happened to be a beautiful man.

"Y-yes?" He had such an unusual style but it suited him so well.

"Were you helped today?" I tried to smile lightly and silently nodded. He frowned, was my smile ugly?

"Do you want these?" His questions were slightly surprising, why was he asking me if I wanted them?

"They seem to suit me more." He shook his head and moved from the back counter and walked in front of me. He was really tall too…

"No woman is plain; it confuses me to no end why this boutique even sells these bras." He tossed the said bras on the counter.

"Follow me." I obeyed and followed him to a tall mirror in the center of the boutique he turned and faced me. He bent low towards my level and took off my glasses,

"Don't you see? You have such beautiful eyes and striking features, plain my dear, is not you." I blushed madly; nobody has ever said that to me. He smiled as he pushed me towards the mirror,

"Don't you see what I see?" I was lost for words, I stared at my refection and I just saw myself. _Plain _echoed my mind.

"Plain." I whispered, he shook his head and tsked. I felt my braids unravel as my hair flowed down. I glanced at the man beside me; his cheeks seemed slightly red, was he blushing?

"I see an incredibly beautiful girl, mature and intelligent." His words seemed truthful but I couldn't trust a stranger, could I?

"Don't let your insecurity bring you down." I blushed as I covered my face with my hands.

"Miss?" He watched me as I hid behind my hair,

"Why are you being so nice?" He laughed,

"Somebody has to be, right?" I looked at my reflection again, was I…beautiful?

"Let's take your measurements, that bra was visibly too small for you." Oh boy, if I felt embarrassed nothing could compare to a guy taking my measurements!

* * *

I looked down at my bagful of bras and panties, Gakupo, the handsome cashier threw every type of bra and pantie at me. The other woman that worked there seemed to give me dirty looks, why do women all seem to hate me? I stared at my receipt; Gakupo gave me his employee discount _and _his number. Wow, well today has been interesting.

"_Ehhh!" I expected an expensive bill but it was just only sixty dollars? All this stuff was worth two hundred!_

"_It's my employee discount, don't worry about it though. Not like I ever use it." He laughed as he wrote something down on the receipt "Come visit me again!"_

I blushed again as I unlocked the door. I turned on the light switch as I walked to my room, why was the light on?

Kaito was sitting on my bed looking at my baby book, I glared.

"What are you doing?" I grabbed the baby book from his hands,

"Hey! I was bored!" He looked the other way. I set the bag down and sunk to the floor, today has been eventful.

"What happened to your hair?" My heart nearly stopped, I didn't realize my hair was still down!

"It started to get cold outside." Why was I still lying? I didn't like lying to Kaito. He glanced at the huge bag on the small table,

"Shopping?" I nodded silently, please don't look in the bag, please don't look in the bag I pleaded in my mind.

"That's unlike you." He observed me quietly; I needed to change the subject.

"Did you have fun today?" He shrugged his shoulders and got off my bed,

"It's getting late, I'm going to go play some video games and eat ice cream." He left my room rather quickly,

"Don't forget to brush your teeth." I mumbled. Why did he seem mad at me? He never left so abruptly like that…I sighed as I changed out of my uniform.

Maybe tomorrow will be better…

* * *

**I just submitted the first chapter and couldn't help writing another one right away! I love this story and it literally has taken a mind of its own! I'm already writing chapter three. Make sure to leave me a review and tell me what you think!**

**Ghostly**


	3. Where Do I Even Start?

_Never Let Me Go_

_Where do I even start  
To pick it up when it's falling apart?  
Where do I even start?  
Why does it seem so hard?_

_Where Do I Even Start? – Morgan Taylor Reid  
_

* * *

Why did she lie to me? She seems to be lying to me more and more. I didn't understand her and that scared me. Luka wasn't a liar so why did she continue to do it? She seemed to always be going somewhere after school and we hardly walk home together. I miss walking beside her, I miss her smell, and I miss her smile. I missed _her._ What was happening? What was happening to _us? _She's been avoiding my gaze; she was no longer looking my way. Did she find someone? Did she have a _boyfriend? _That couldn't be right? Could it?

My stomach filled with anger thinking about it. Who stole my Luka? She wasn't for the taking, she was _mine._

Why wasn't I stopping her? I needed to see her; I needed to talk to her.

"So what do you say Kaito-kun?" Miku asked; what was she talking about? I wasn't listening, she was always talking. So I silently nodded and she squealed out of delight.

"Everyone! Everyone! Guess whose Kaito-kun's new girlfriend!" Wait what? Please don't tell me-

"Way to go Kaito!" The guys cheered; _no I needed to see Luka. This was all a misunderstanding, right?_

Miku slipped her hand into mine; it was so small just like Luka's…even the blue nail polish was identical to hers. _Luka…_

Did Luka not need me anymore?

Miku leaned against me and spoke but I wasn't listening.

If Luka could have a boyfriend why couldn't I date? But I wanted to see her, this wasn't right.

Miku smiled and blushed and I imagined Luka. I didn't like Miku, let alone love her but if I try hard I can see Luka.

Maybe this was for the best…No this couldn't possibly be for the best but if she was happy I'd do it. I'd stay quiet and date Miku as long as Luka was happy.

Because I loved Luka and that was all that mattered.

* * *

Kaito seemed to spend more time with his new friends lately. I've been also leaving after school to look for a job. I couldn't stand sitting alone in my room any longer so I sought to find a job. I needed new clothes anyways… But it was weird, we didn't have a fight but it felt like we did and I was confused. When was it when he began slipping away from me? I didn't like it; I was starting to feel lonely. Even at home it felt especially quiet without Kaito giving me company. His room directly on the other side of my wall – but it was always quiet. It felt empty in my heart; the emptiness I always tried to avoid seemed to be caving down.

_Kaito used to fill that emptiness._

I sat alone in my room and finally decided to get dressed, it was Saturday and I needed to get my mind away from this. I need to stop thinking about Kaito.

I grabbed the newspaper and took it with me. I grabbed my glasses and headed out the door. I was thankful for the coffee shop that wasn't too far from where I lived.

I sat down outside and looked through the menu, it was cold outside but the scenery was beautiful. I heard loud laughing and voices, which was odd, my street was generally quiet there was nothing over here but apartments and just this coffee house.

My eyes widened, Kaito was there with his friends…why did he seem so happy? Wasn't he lonely like me? He laughed so effortlessly, the laugh I love.

_Don't be silly Luka. You're just his childhood friend you're bound to grow apart. _Of course that was just my logic speaking but that wasn't how I felt.

Why did my chest tighten? Why did it hurt to see him happy when I should be happy for him? This is what I wanted isn't it? I didn't want to be a burden to him. But it hurt and I didn't like that, I wanted Kaito all to myself. He was after all my only friend but it seems like another girl has taken him.

Tears seemed to flow down my cheeks. That teal haired girl, I've seen her before, why was she on Kaito's arm?

I stood up and quickly left the coffee shop, why has Kaito forgotten all about me? I ran and I really didn't care where. I just wanted to let it all out, I just wanted to cry. But I needed to stop running, my throat began to hurt and it appears that someone is talking to me?

"Onee-chan? Are you alright?" The little boy asked, "Onee-chan?" He asked again. I couldn't seem to find the words, it was stuck.

"Will you stop crying already?" The little girl screech as she began pulling my hair. I was finally pulled back to reality and it hurt.

"Owww, oww, stop! I get it! I'll stop!" I yelled as I pulled my hair from her fists, the little girl smiled out of satisfaction.

"Sorry about that Onee-chan, Rin doesn't like to see others cry." I looked between the two children, why did they look identical? Were they twins?

"It's annoying seeing others cry Len!" They both seemed to turn to me oddly at the same time.

"You're pretty old to be crying like a crybaby Onee-chan." Len said as he pulled my left hand,

"It's depressing!" Rin pulled my right hand and they both led me to a bench.

"I-I'm sorry?" I really didn't know what to say.

"Why were you crying?" Len asked he was curious and generally wanted to know unlike so many people that just wanted to know your business and gossip.

"I felt lonely." I guess that was the best way to put it.

"Why?" Rin then asked, I thought for a moment.

"My childhood friend doesn't seem to need me anymore and I-I miss him." Rin raised an eyebrow,

"Why don't you tell him that?" It was hard, why didn't I tell him?

"I think he's happy." I said barely above a whisper,

"But you aren't." Len pointed out, Rin groaned out loud.

"You adults are so complicated!" Rin crossed her arms and huffed, "You obviously love him!"

My eyes widened, _love?_ _I didn't love Kaito we were just childhood friends._

Why did it feel like a bullet by saying we were _just friends_? Did I want to be more than that? Did I love Kaito?

"It couldn't be love I don't even know what love is." I looked down and stared at my hands,

"You should be honest to yourself Onee-chan," Len patted my hands; I felt tears coming again why was I so confused?

"H-hey she's crying again!" Len shouted,

"Will you stop crying?" Rin began pulling on my hair again,

"Okay I will!" I cried,

"Promise?" Why was she so strong?

"I do! I promise I'm done!" Rin let go and patted my arm. I rubbed my aching head and frowned, I expected people to be staring but it seemed like nobody was at the park beside the twins and me.

"How old are you guys?" I asked curiously they seemed quite young.

"Were ten!" They both said in unison, I couldn't help but smile they were very cute.

"Where's your parents?" Len looked down and Rin looked the other way,

"Okaa-chan is leaving us again…" Rin frowned,

"She's looking for a babysitter and we hate it." Len leaned against me,

"If we were to have a babysitter we rather you do it…" I don't know why but Len and Rin's presence made me forget the sadness. They made me smile and happy just like…

"I'll do it." They both looked at each other, Rin stood up and Len hugged me.

"Yaaay! Let's go tell Momma! Come on, come on!" They both pulled me up and led me away from the park. Why did they make me feel better I wonder, they understood me so well and that was slightly concerning. Were they lonely like me? Did they go home to an empty house everyday like I did?

My heart sunk, were they like _me_?

* * *

When we arrived it wasn't too far at all, in fact it was just mere minutes away from where I lived. They lived in a house – a really big one.

Len pulled the house key from his necklace and opened the door; _a ten year old has a house key?_ It was bitterly nostalgic to my childhood; if you want to call it that.

I stood at the doorway as they went inside; they both turned back and raised an eyebrow.

"Why are you still standing out here?" Rin asked Len pulled my hand.

"It's cold out here!" It was very silent in there house, was there mother even there?

"I should probably meet your mother first Len, Rin." They both looked at each other and nodded,

"She's upstairs, we'll take you to her." I walked inside as they both led me to the staircase. It was so grand and huge did they really live here?

They led me to the door at the back of the house and lightly knocked. My heart was beating quickly as Rin and Len each held my hand it was comforting.

"Come in," called the muffled voice.

Was this there mother? She looked so young and very beautiful her perfect blond hair was curled and somehow she looked just perfect in every way – just how my parents are. They were perfectionists after all.

"How can I help you?" She was very orderly and businesslike.

"Okaa-chan we found her." Len said,

"We want her to be our babysitter." Rin finished, they both seemed to hold onto my hand tighter.

"How old are you?" I tried to smile lightly,

"I'm sixteen." She raised an eyebrow and sighed,

"I need a full-time babysitter five days a week, you're quite young and this will probably be too much for you."

"I don't have any other responsibilities to take care of after school; I'm an honor student so my studies will very unlikely decrease." Somehow I didn't want to leave these two alone.

"I can cook." I offered, she nodded lightly and sighed.

"Well this is unexpected but if you can do this it will help me greatly. My husband and I take frequent business trips and I have to leave soon."

"When are you leaving?" Rin and Len's parents were just like mine, respectful and responsible in other words – workaholics.

"I leave tonight." Well that's quick. She smiled and held out her hand,

"I'm sorry I never got your name…" She trailed off; I shook her hand and smiled lightly,

"Megurine Luka." She nodded her head,

"My name is Kako, this is mine and my husband's number if you have any questions; this is also a check for the first week." I nodded lightly as she handed me papers and even a key to her house! I was glad to find a job but could I do it? I glanced down at Rin and Len and smiled, they both seemed to be trying to contain their happiness as we walked out of their mother's office.

"Yahoo!" Rin jumped up and hugged me tightly; Len jumped up and down and hugged me as well. I smiled and giggled lightly, maybe I was going to be okay.

* * *

Months seemed to pass so quickly, Kaito and I were still barely talking. I hated school even more now; Kaito seemed to be skipping lately with that girl _Miku._

I really didn't want to go today, so I didn't. I didn't even step foot on campus, I hated it. All I thought was about Kaito and my eyes always seem to wander to his empty seat.

So I walked the streets alone going wherever my feet took me. Was our relationship this weak? We somehow stopped talking and neither of us is budging. He doesn't even look my way anymore and it hurt. Was Rin right? Did I love him?

I was so deep in thought I didn't realize where I was walking, I hit something and began stumbling. Before I fell an arm reached out and caught me.

"Whoa, you okay Luka?" I looked up and blushed,

"Gakupo!" I was honestly quite surprised to see him, it's been awhile. He laughed and helped me to my feet.

"Surprising seeing you out here, aren't you supposed to be in school?" I stood awkwardly,

"I skipped actually," I wonder what he was thinking? He laughed and smiled,

"Luka-chan a rebel huh, that's surprising you seem so responsible." I frowned,

"I am!" We walked together along the shopping strip and we just talked. It felt nice and his presence was light and airy. We walked together and decided to get hot chocolate.

"So what have you been up to lately, besides skipping?" He teased lightly, I stuck out my tongue.

"I got a job a while ago." I thought for a moment, "That's about it." He frowned,

"That's it?" I nodded and he sighed, "Luka-chan you're young and pretty, have a little fun! Don't you hang out with friends?" I looked down, what was I supposed to say? I already lost the only friend I ever had and the only thing left that mattered to me was Len and Rin.

"I'll be your friend." Gakupo offered, I looked up and he smiled.

"I'm such a gloomy person are you-?

"Don't say that!" Why was he so nice to me? I'm sure woman loved him, why did he want to be friends with me?

"You shouldn't let your insecurity rule your life Luka." I didn't know what to say to that I met his eyes,

"Thank you." I whispered, he stood up and pulled me up with him.

"Where are we going?" I asked,

"Were getting you new clothes," _Ehhhhh?_

* * *

Miku loved to be alone with me. So we skipped frequently and I needed an excuse not to go to school. I couldn't stand being in the same room as Luka without talking to her. It was already hard enough not knowing what was going on? Did she have a boyfriend or not? Was this all for nothing?

This situation was stupid. I can't take another day without her being there. It was starting to get hard imagining Luka through Miku. They were polar opposites, Luka was more reserved and mature she always challenged me. Miku was loud and social, she walked with confidence everywhere she went.

"Kaito-kun lets go there!" I silently nodded as she led me away from the cold streets.

…Is that Luka? Who's that _guy_? _That must be her boyfriend._

My stomach filled with anger, I wanted to let go of Miku's hand and take Luka away with me far away. Was she laughing, she appeared happy and even blushed a little.

My anger turned to numbness; I wanted her to be happy right? I pulled Miku with me away from that Cafe.

I couldn't stand seeing her happy without me. It made me feel something I never felt before, what was it?

I hated this.

* * *

"You and shopping just doesn't go." Rin observed me and the huge bag I carried,

"I think she does…" Len trailed off and I smiled.

"Maybe it's the glasses." Rin said in thought, we walked in the cold winter together home.

Rin tugged on my sleeve, "Onee-chan I have to tell you something," I leaned down and Rin pulled my glasses off. Oh god was that a crack?

"Rin please tell me you didn't break them?" I panicked, my vision was bad no scratch that, I was practically blind!

"Wow Onee-chan you're so pretty," Len said in awe,

"I knew it was the glasses!" Rin said in triumph, I felt my braids unravel as well.

"This isn't good, I can't see!" They were both silent,

"…Do you have contacts?"

"I do but-

"Problem solved! Let's go to your house and pick them up!" My house wasn't too far away from here but I didn't even know how to put them on! The last time I wore them was when I went to a dinner party with Otou-san…

I didn't really want to go home, what if Kaito was there.

Len and Rin ran around my apartment while I put my stuff down, I secretly bought them something special.

But first, I needed to put the contacts on. I walked into my room and listened quietly for anything, voices, a video game, anything - but why did it matter? He wasn't going to talk to me, it been so long since I've heard his voice.

I walked to the dresser and took my contact case out and walked to the bathroom. This was going to be a challenge; I couldn't put these on properly. They never seemed to stick to my eye,

"You're not doing it right." I flinched; I didn't know Len was right beside me. "You need solution." I never heard of solution? Sounds like a math problem.

"Here try it now." Liquid ran down my hands, Len must have put something in the contact because it went on perfectly!

"Ohhhhh," I felt so dumb, all I needed was to moisten the contact! I smiled and patted Len's head, "How did you know how to put on contacts?" He smiled,

"I wear contacts…My mother doesn't like glasses." I nodded in understanding, _a ten year old wearing contacts, I seem to learn new things about them every day._

"I have a surprise for you~" I grabbed Len's hand and walked to the kitchen and grabbed the cake.

"Happy Birthday!" I sang smiled out of delight,

"How did you know?" Len asked,

"Otou-san and Okaa-san told you huh?" Rin finished, I shook my head.

"They told me it was your birthday but I already knew. You told me your birthday before!" Rin blushed,

"You were listening?" I frowned,

"Don't underestimate me!" I actually bought them two cakes for them to both blow out. I hurriedly turned off the lights and took out the camera.

_They looked so happy and it made me happy too. Even if I miss Kaito dearly Len and Rin were just like me – something Kaito couldn't understand. I loved these two; they were like my little family and that made me really happy…_

_Will I be okay without Kaito in my life? _

"Happy eleventh birthday~"

* * *

**Is Luka learning independence? _Gasp. _But seriously guys I really wanted this and intended Luka to learn independence, I think it was really a shock for her because even though she was already independent in some sense she really relied on Kaito - he was her anchor after all. Although I am cheating a bit by through Len and Rin into the mix...(I couldn't help it! I can't be evil to Luka) Another side note,  
**

**Thank you guys for the comments! I look for to them!**

**Love you guys!**

**Ghostly**


	4. Hymn For The Missing

_Never Let Me Go_

_I tried to walk together  
But the night was growing dark  
Thought you were beside me  
But I reached and you were gone  
Sometimes I hear you calling  
From some lost and distant shore  
I hear you crying softly for the way it was before_

_Hymn for the Missing – Red_

* * *

Everything was so white and cold – especially the windy nights. December finally has come and for some reason I looked forward to it. I wasn't sure why, I was always attracted to coldness; it made me close my eyes and just feel comfortable.

Not having to get up at a special time to go to school was just an added bonus. Exams went fairly well but the tension was still there, it never quite went away when I'm in school. Christmas was inching closer every day and I wasn't sure how I felt about that. It wasn't the same like last year – far, far from it. Would I be alone this year? Kaito and I haven't been on speaking terms for a while and I'm beginning to forget his smile. The emptiness sometimes feels like it's getting bigger.

Kaito and I always spent it together with his family; my parents would always reunite on Christmas and go to the Bahamas. But would I be left alone this year? I got a call from Kako – Len and Rin's mother – she said she would be returning with her husband to spend Christmas with them and I was happy for them; I really was. Len and Rin needed their parents and maybe I was wrong, I think they're different from my parents. Kako and her husband always called more frequently now, they always wanted to know how Len and Rin were doing and obviously missed them.

I envied that. I didn't know what it was like to have caring parent's, it was foreign to me. My parents…they weren't cut out to be caregivers. I basically supported myself and thought once or twice about moving out before. But that would mean I'd really be let him go…could I really do that?

I stood up and cracked the balcony door to let the cold air in. I silently glanced at the small box on my coffee table. I made a present for Kaito but I don't think I'll give it to him. I just wasn't sure how to go about it. We weren't exactly on speaking terms so…

I looked at myself in the mirror and sighed, Rin makes me wear my hair down and Len makes me wear my contacts proper; even giving me a huge bottle of solution.

People seem to notice me at school but I didn't care. It was mostly guys anyways; they didn't want to be my friend, the girls seemed to hate me more than ever now. I stood up and walked to my balcony and sighed. The air was comforting and made me stretch out a little. My hands began to turn white and I began to wonder how long I was out here?

"You're going to get a cold…" Kaito was on his own balcony, _was he out here the whole time? _

I leaned against my balcony and looked out into the night sky,

"Warm rooms are sometimes hard to breathe in…I like coldness." I tried to conceal my nervousness; I hardly knew what to say to Kaito anymore.

"Ice Queen." _Was he teasing me? _I really didn't know how to respond to that I was so nervous. I finally sighed, somehow making my heart calmer – I wanted to know what was going on between us and I wanted answers.

"Kaito what is going-

Kaito's ringtone blared from his room interrupting me. He looked at me not knowing whether to answer it. At that moment my body went numb and I tried to smile.

"Answer it." I said barely above a whisper and he stood looking at me still unsure. I smiled and he finally turned and retreated back to his room.

* * *

I tried to make the atmosphere lighter; it felt so tense when we were together. She appeared to be in thought and sighed. Luka was always strong and invincible in my eyes but tonight seemed different. She appeared absent-minded and adrift but serious, like she wasn't really here with me and somewhere else.

She looked so beautiful against white snow, it somehow fit her perfectly. It appeared winter favored her as well – she hardly ever got sick with a cold no matter how long she kept her window open.

She began to say something but my stupid phone started ringing. I cursed silently but I didn't want to answer it, what did she want to say? She looked so serious, I saw her expression change and it looked like her body slightly slumped. She wrapped her arms around herself and she smiled lightly,

"Answer it." Her voice sounded distant and I wanted to say no but it was hard to possibly say no to her.

I turned and before I went inside I looked over my shoulder and she was already gone; like she wasn't even there to begin with.

* * *

I sat alone in my room with the television on mute. I had the door cracked as cold wind danced in my room. I sung lightly while reading an old book, I needed my mind far from reality. My freedom of winter vacation seemed to be winding down and irritated me. School would be within a week now and I wasn't prepared to go back. _Not like I was even prepared from the start…I feel like I've been thrown into the ocean…_

But what was there to expect? I was thrown into the ocean far long ago when I was a child. My parents weren't concerned if I sunk or swam as long as they went to work on time.

Speaking of my parents…I glanced at my cell phone thinking, oh I don't know? A call maybe, a hello even, but I guess that'd be asking too much of them – even on Christmas Eve.

I glanced at the gift sitting on the coffee table again. I sighed and put the gift on my dresser drawer, I didn't even get dressed I just laid around in my pajamas which normally wasn't like me. But I needed a break from responsibility, I wanted to be selfish. I glared at the television screen getting tired of everyone's smiles and holiday cheer. I hated today and I just wished it'd end already.

I turned off the channel and lay on my bed. It was especially quiet, even next door; which was honestly surprising. My room would have felt incredibly still if it weren't for the light wind.

I phone vibrated violently under my pillow startling me in a horrible way.

"Hello?" I tried to contain my annoyance, _whose calling me on a holiday? Can't be my parents…_

"Luka!" I had to move my ear from the ear piece as Len and Rin literally screamed on the other line.

"Hey you guys, what's up?" I forgot they had cell phones.

"Come to our house!" Rin said happily, "Yeah we have a surprise!" I smiled lightly, they somehow always cheered me up when I was feeling depressed.

"Right now?" I looked at the clock, it was seven o' clock and almost getting late, would I be bothering their family?

"Duh! Hurry up!" They hung up and I got off the bed quickly and rushed to get ready. Even though I was depressed just moments ago I wanted to see them. Their smiling faces seemed to rub off on me and I really needed an enlighten mood. I even put on a little makeup to feel a little better.

I dressed in the white dress Gakupo picked out and wore black thigh highs and black boots. I did one last turn in the mirror and grabbed my bag and put all the presents in my bag.

I practically ran to the door and immediately crashed into someone's chest.

"Oft!" Arms steadied me and I looked up, _Kaito!_ I took two steps back and blushed.

"Uh, c-come in," I stumbled on my words as he walked inside my apartment.

"You seem to be in a hurry." I nodded lightly, "So you already have plans this year eh?" His voice sounded different…like he was irritated? "I guess this year would be different." I stood awkwardly.

"Don't you have a date?" I asked, _why did I ask him that? I don't want to know he's going to be together with her._

He shrugged, "Just with friends and Miku." My heart sunk and hurt was quickly replaced with anger,

"Well I have to go now so," I walked to the door expecting him to follow but he still stood there.

"To your boyfriend?" _What is he talking about?_ He gave me this look that I've never seen before and it made me even more frustrated.

"That isn't of your concern." I honestly didn't care anymore, I was even tempted to throw his gift at his face.

* * *

I ran all the way to Rin and Len's place and rang the doorbell. I huffed lightly when I heard running to the door,

"Finally!" They smiled and pulled me into the warm house. I felt them both instantly hug me and laugh,

"Oh so this is Luka-chan." I looked up and Len's and Rin's parents were standing from the hallway smiling. When Len and Rin stopped hugging me they both held my hands.

"I've never seen them react this way to anyone; you must be really special Luka." I blushed lightly and smiled,

"Thank you sir," I bowed lightly and he seemed embarrassed,

"H-hey! You don't have to be so formal, just call me Jun." I nodded and smiled, their father was also really young like their mother.

I was glad I came. Their home had such a welcoming aura compared to the first time I came here.

Len and Rin led me to their living room to show me their huge over the top tree. It was at least fifteen feet tall! It gave the room such an elegant feeling and the vaulted ceiling was especially beautiful. Decorations were everywhere giving a beautiful holiday look.

Len and Rin walked to the tree and both of them grabbed a present,

"Here!" Rin passed her gift that was wrapped with a beautiful white bow, a nice signature of hers. Len smiled and passed his gift, "I hope you'll like it."

Jun and Kako also walked up with a gift, I blushed.

"We wanted to get you something and we really appreciate you always helping and taking care of these two." Kako gave me a motherly hug,

"Thank you Luka-chan." I almost got emotional at that moment; I wasn't used to such feelings. I wasn't used to being hugged like that.

"Don't open it yet though! You have to open it on Christmas!" I smiled and laughed lightly,

"I won't!" I promised.

I grabbed the several presents from my bag and placed them under the tree with the gallons of presents already there.

"You got presents Onee-chan?" I smiled,

"Oh course! There's one for you, Rin, and your mom and dad." Kako blushed lightly and smiled,

"You didn't need to get us anything dear." I stood up from my kneeling position.

"I wanted to! You both have been really kind to me and I appreciate that." Jun rubbed my hair causing it to frizz slightly.

"Dad! You'll ruin Onee-chan's hair!" I laughed as I patted my hair down,

"Well I better get going," Len and Rin frowned.

"What!" Rin glared, "Why so soon?" Jun rubbed Len and Rin's hair causing it to mess up terribly,

"Hey you brats, Luka-chan probably has a date!" I blushed lightly,

"No way!" Len yelled, "There's no way Onee-chan could have a boyfriend without me knowing!" Rin pointed to my direction.

Jun playfully nudged Len, "I'd be careful Len, Luka probably has tons of men after her." Len blushed and swatted his father away.

"Onee-chan a present fell out of your bag - to Kaito." She read out loud, she raised an eyebrow at me.

"See?" Jun said playfully, Kako laughed lightly.

"I'm actually throwing that away."

"What! Why?" Rin and Len practically said in sync. I stood awkwardly and tried not to frown,

"We got into a fight…I don't know, I don't think I have the confidence to give it to him." I said truthfully.

"Give it to him!" Rin pushed the present back into my bag,

"I don't even know where he is…He went out tonight Rin. I don't think this is-

"Then let's find him!" My mouth opened shocked.

"Daddy I want to go with her," He shrugged,

"Just get here before midnight you two." Rin and Len smiled.

"Let's go!"

* * *

This was crazy; I really didn't know how this was happening. But Len and Rin were with me searching the city for Kaito.

After the last possible Karaoke shop we went to I stopped,

"Let's take you home now you guys. It's okay! We're not happy with each other right now anyways." Rin glared,

"So you want to give up?" She said angrily, "I thought you were more stubborn than that Onee-chan," Len squeezed my hand and frowned.

"I-I just honestly don't know what to say to him." Rin sighed,

"You love him, don't you? You have that present specially for him; you shouldn't give up so easily!" Rin's was so encouraging, it made me want to put our differences aside and try…even just this once I wanted to try.

"I know you can do it!" Len said and smiled.

So we searched longer and finally came to the conclusion that he was at the coffee shop by the house. I heard there was an indie band playing there tonight anyways.

And…he was. My heart seemed to speed up and my stomach felt uneasy.

I stopped, my feet planted to the ground. "I can't do this." I confessed Rin rolled her eyes.

"Stop being complicated and go in there already!" She pushed me inside and luckily he didn't seem to notice, but it appeared that the guys from his group did.

"_Whoa, who's that?"_

"_Dude, somebody hook me up with her!"_

"_She probably already has a boyfriend dumbass."_

Kaito still seemed like he hasn't noticed me, I clenched my white dress and walked forward; my heart beating seemingly faster and faster by each step. Was this even healthy by how fast it was beating, I felt like I would faint at any moment.

"Kaito…" I called softly, he turned and immediately stood up, and I awkwardly smiled. I felt Len and Rin's intense stare from the window outside.

"Luka?" He looked like he really didn't know what to say so I got to the point; I pulled the present from my bag and handed it to him.

I looked down at my boots, slightly fidgeting.

"Hey, isn't it that plain girl that used to follow Kaito-kun?" Miku said out loud.

"Ehhhh!" The guys in the group stared at me intensely, "No way could that be!"

"That other girl was much plainer than her." My heart shattered, I looked at Kaito with one last glance and basically ran to the door. It hurt, my beating heart seemed to beat loud in my ears and my chest hurt terribly.

I wonder what hurt more, the rejection or Kaito not defending me.

"Onee-chan…" Len looked at me worriedly but I continued to stare far ahead,

"Are you going to cry?" Rin asked she didn't seem like she was going to pull my hair this time. I shook my head and finally looked at the twins.

"I'm not, not anymore." I said strongly, I was heartbroken don't get me wrong – but I was done crying now. I simply didn't have the tears anymore.

"Let's take you guys home." They watched my worriedly but nodded.

I could tell Rin was angry, Len appeared displeased as well. But it seemed like they weren't angry with me, but at Kaito's friends.

When I dropped them off Len made me promise to call tomorrow and I agreed.

I decided not to go home right away and just walked the busy streets, I somehow made it to a train station and I wondered why? Was this fate? Maybe I needed to leave just for a little while. Maybe I needed some piece of mind and a different atmosphere in a different city.

I think that's what I needed.

* * *

Why didn't I stop her? I'm such a dumbass! I can't believe I was so shocked that I let those idiots talk trash to Luka!

I sat in my room alone with all the lights off, I was just so frustrated with myself and I was completely confused. I really thought she hated me and she does the exact opposite! I knew Luka was mysterious but this is really…

My phone continued to vibrate constantly, I left abruptly after that and Miku has been calling me off the hook. I sighed and finally turned off the phone, I really needed to see Luka. I would wait all night if I had to.

I glanced at the clock, it was already two am. She was coming home right? Where is she anyways? I felt so ashamed; no that was putting it lightly.

I felt down right guilty, I didn't even get her a gift! I held the blue scarf closer. It smelt like her…_she must have made it. _That didn't help my guilt.

All I could remember were her eyes…That look she gave me was unnerving. Her face didn't seem like she cared but her eyes always gave it away.

She looked like she was about to fall apart and I wasn't there to catch her. Her eyes were so empty and betrayal was clearly going through her mind.

I punched the wall and was grateful nobody was home. My frustration was rising and my patients were wearing thin. But I'd wait for her because that's the only thing I can do for now…

I'd wait until she gets home to talk to her. I _need _to tell her how I feel; I don't give a fuck about her boyfriend anymore.

* * *

**Sounds like a pretty crazy Christmas Eve, huh? I wanted to get ready for the holidays and somehow made it Christmas theme. So what are your guy's thoughts? Please let me know!**

**REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW**

**(Okay I'll stop now, you get my drift!)**

**ALSO! I wanted to thank those that have already reviewed and follow my story! I'm happy to see your guy's views and I'm glad you guys love it! Yaaaayy! More people love Kaito x Luka just as much as I do! :D**

**Love you guys!**

**Ghostly**


	5. You Could Be Happy

_Never Let Me Go_

* * *

_You could be happy and I won't know_

_But you weren't happy the day I watched you go  
And all the things that I wished I had not said  
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head_

_You Could Be Happy – Snow Patrol_

* * *

I set my bag on the coffee table as I finally lay down on my bed for the first time in days. Today I had to go back to school already and I thought of skipping, I was simply too tired to go. I remembered Kohaku's brave words echo in my mind and I got up anyways. I wouldn't disappoint her.

I sat up and stretched, I stripped the kimono I was wearing and stared at the beautiful fabric for a moment. My several days in Kyoto were all rushing back.

_By the time I arrived to my new destination it was already morning. I didn't know what to do after I got off that train, I really didn't think up to this point. So what do I do now, find a hotel? I thought for a moment as I walked towards a brochure stand before I left the station. I didn't know my way around Kyoto and I was beginning to think this was a horrible idea. I felt like a kid who ran away from home._

_My stomach began to hurt, I really needed something to eat, I haven't slept and I felt a migraine coming. Luckily there was a McDonalds to save my hunger. After I ordered my two Big Macs and Large fry I sat down and literally inhaled my food. The very little people that were there seemed to stare at me, but I didn't care what people thought of me at that moment._

_I finally opened my brochure and looked through the pages. I knew I should probably check into a hotel first but that wasn't what I was here for. This one particular temple caught my eye, there wasn't anything particularly special about it – but it looked special to me._

* * *

_I got out of the taxi and stared at the massive steps up, why the hell was it so steep! I sighed and started my journey. I thought for sure it'd be crowded here. People normally went to the temple after Christmas but usually on New Year's to ring in the New Year with good luck._

_I felt cold sweat run down my face as I finally made it to the top. Why was it so deserted, nobody seemed to be here. Which was strangely odd, this temple looked very old but well kept – why wasn't anybody here?_

_Even though all the trees were frosted over with ice the view was…unexplainable. It was beautiful; the morning sun was rising higher and higher giving the snow and ice a beautiful reflection. I dearly wished to share it with somebody. I felt tears coming but I pushed it back, I continued to walk closer to the huge temple and closed my eyes; I began to pray. I'm sure I was there for a while because my legs began to go numb; I opened my eyes and rang the bell._

_I turned to leave and was surprised to see an older woman; she seemed just as surprised as well. _

"_Child…Is this real?" I raised an eyebrow completely confused,_

"_Excuse me?" She began laughing and patted my back lightly,_

"_I'm sorry dear, it's very unusual for guests – you must not live around here." I slowly nodded not really understanding. So this place was deserted, I wonder why?_

"_It's terrible cold out here dear, come inside." _

"_Am I able to do that?" I don't go to temples very often and I didn't think I'd be allowed to enter inside. She laughed again and led me inside the temple. It was much warmer and I spotted a Kotatsu,_

"_Please make yourself at home dear, go warm up in the Kotatsu while I make some hot chocolate." She was a friendly woman; did she live by herself in this huge temple? That must be lonely…_

"_You seem deep in thought," She pointed out as she passed me my cup, "Is that why you came here?" I thought about that question for moment._

"_I guess I was running away." I said truthfully, that was the simplest way of putting it, "I just wanted some sort of peace of mind away from home."_

_She smiled like she completely understood, "You wanted guidance." _

_There was silence as I stared into my dark hot chocolate, I felt tears coming and this time I wasn't able to control them._

"_I don't know why my life is turning out this way, I hate this feeling of being left behind – I hate feeling alone." She patted my hand as I silently cried._

"_Sometimes when we don't have anybody to pick us up when we have fallen – we just have to get up on our own. Even when all odds are against you, you have to keep your head up high."_

_I frowned as I tried to wipe my continuing tears, "What kind of life is that with nobody to share it with?"_

"_You can't share anything with anybody if you don't know how to love yourself. Once you know how to do that, everything else will be fairly easy." _

_I wiped my tears, "Thank you…" She smiled,_

"_Kohaku." After that I didn't speak, I was too deep in thought after that. Love yourself? Could I do that? What is love anyways?_

* * *

I began worrying about Luka every day, I haven't seen her since Christmas Eve and she was seriously driving me crazy. Did something happen to her, my mind wondered to every possible thing that could have happened to her. I already practically broke my knuckles from my frustrations. Should I call her parents? But what good would that do, her parents were across the globe. I just – I just didn't know what to do anymore.

I heard my door open and close as Meiko came in with her big bottle of sake.

"Get out Meiko-

"Shut the hell up and get over here." She demanded, I sighed and sat down across from her on the coffee table.

"I'm tired of seeing you mope around this house already, it depressing." She poured me a glass of sake, I raised an eyebrow. She rolled her eyes as she pushed the shot glass closer to me.

"You're frustrated, I get it, but I'm not taking you to the hospital if you break your hand again – now drink it." I sighed again and began drinking with my sister.

I really didn't feel so bad; it made me temporarily forget the madness. Luka's face kept popping into my mind; I must have said her name out loud because Meiko gave me a pathetic look.

"Kaito, really, can you blame her?" She poured me another glass and sighed,

"I already feel like shit Meiko." I glared at my fist, Meiko looked displeased.

"You made a huge mistake my little brother – letting her go." She really wasn't helping and I was getting angry, not at my sister but at myself. How could I have lost her, she wasn't like the other girls, she never was.

"What do I _do?_" She took another shot and looked outside my balcony,

"Grow up, man up, or shut up. Those are your options. Keep the sake bottle I'm going to bed." I knew Meiko didn't like depressing talks like these but her tough love usually did help…

I finished the rest of the bottle and decided I would tell her I loved her. That was the only thing I could do.

* * *

Well I'm terribly exhausted; I walked with Len and Rin to the park. I felt stronger today and still went to school even though I dreaded it. I placed first in the midterms and got countless praises from my teachers – but I didn't care about that. Somehow I wasn't looking Kaito's way anymore, I felt like a weight lifted since I went to Kyoto. I knew the problem would still be there until we talked but for the first time I felt almost comfortable in school. I somehow was even able to make a new friend with a new student named Gumi – all on my first day back! Maybe things were turning around for me…

"Onee-chan you seem different." Len looked at me and appeared to be analyzing me, Rin nodded in agreement,

"You don't seem as mopey anymore – what gives?" I thought for a moment and knew the answer was obvious.

"I had a nice talk with an obaachan; I guess she changed my perspective on things." I smiled as I remembered Kohaku, she was a wonderful woman and I promised to visit again.

"You'd like our obaachan she always tries to give advice about something." I laughed lightly.

"Luka?" I looked up, "I didn't know you had siblings?" _Gakupo, what was he doing here?_

Len pointed, "Rin-chan, look, a pervert."

Rin stood in front of me, "Back off you samurai-otaku!" she barked and I laughed.

"Rin, Len this is my friend." Gakupo frowned,

"I look like a samurai?" Rin and Len both nodded,

"So what are you doing around here?" I asked, he shrugged and sat on the bench together with me as Len and Rin ran off to play.

"Bored I guess I was around the neighborhood." I nodded,

"What about your job?" he smiled,

"I quit a long time ago, my auntie was pissed." I giggled,

"Why would you quit? I'm sure the pay was pretty decent." He was quiet for a moment which was strange for him.

"Woman started getting the wrong ideas about me; I wanted to leave that scene anyways. I wanted to change." He laughed; I didn't know what to say to that. "Luka-chan probably wouldn't have liked the old me." I pouted.

"You wouldn't know." He smiled,

"I do know." I raised an eyebrow; it was almost like he was challenging me.

"Well, what were you like?" He appeared in thought and looked serious.

"I used to play around with women and mess with their head. I would make them think I loved them…and when it got serious I would just leave. That's not the type of man I want to be anymore. When I saw you that day, I knew you were insecure...but I couldn't do that to you and I wondered why." I smiled and patted his arm,

"Well I'm still glad I met you." He grasped my hand and stared into my eyes,

"That day in the Coffee shop when I said I'd be your friend, I was serious. I want to try being your friend Luka."

Gakupo gave a nice feeling like an older brother, and it made me happy to make another friend like this. But I began to wonder if he was lying to me the whole time when I met him. I tried not to think about that. He did seem different though and I was glad he was just being himself.

"Len, Rin and I are going to watch anime at my place, want to come?" I offered and smiled, he definitely looked like the type that would.

"Let me think—yeah of course! I love anime." He laughed and Rin jumped on his back taking both of us by surprise.

"Carry me Otaku-kun." Gakupo carried Rin on his back and frowned,

"I'll carry you if you don't call me that." Rin thought about it,

"Okay!" Len walked next to me and oddly didn't hold my hand.

I looked down at the young boy and noticed how he was getting taller now. I guess I shouldn't expect him to hold my hand anymore, he was getting older now. It made me a little sad knowing Len and Rin are getting older. They were so mature already (sometimes) and it wouldn't be much longer until they're grown themselves. I hope to be able to see that and not get teary eyed.

* * *

Gakupo looked at my fridge and frowned,

"Luka, please tell me you're not on a crazy diet – because there's absolutely no food here." I blushed in embarrassment.

"No, no of course not, I've been gone these past couple of days." I sighed, "I'll have to go to the store to pick something up."

"I'll go." Gakupo offered, I nodded and turned towards Rin and Len.

"It's too cold." Len said and Rin nodded, "But get me bananas,"

"And oranges."

"Hai, hai." I said and we left into the cold once again.

* * *

Luka's been back and I haven't gotten the courage to talk to her. I don't know why it seemed so hard when I used to talk to her every day. But she seemed so different now…I wasn't even sure why, the way she walked and the way she smelt wasn't the way I remembered her. She wasn't the Luka I knew and that scared the hell out of me. She changed…

She no longer wore her glasses and her hair looked so beautiful against our plain uniforms. All the guys wanted her; Luka's beauty was something only _I _was able to see. Now that the whole world knows Luka is like a walking goddess in a school uniform. It made me irritated seeing guys always going up to her and trying to talk to her.

Miku even seemed a bit irritated but not for the same reasons, she hated not being the center of attention. Luka was stealing all her glory, even though I guess I was her boyfriend.

I knew I had to talk to her; I had to know what she was feeling. I just needed to say I was sorry and missed her.

I jumped over the balcony to hers and opened the sliding door; my eyes fell to two blond twins in Luka's room.

The blond boy pointed at me,

"Rin-chan, a pervert came into Onee-chan's room." _Pervert?_

"Wait, wait, I'm not a pervert." The blond girl looked at her twin and pointed,

"Stalker-pervert." I sighed,

"I'm neither."

"You just came through her window." I ran a hand through my hair trying to think.

"Where's Luka?" The blond girl looked like she just realized something and began intently glaring at me?

She walked closer and for some reason I didn't have a good feeling about this.

"I want to tell you a secret, Onii-san." I bent down to her level and instantly I felt a small fist make impact to my face.

I stumbled back a few steps and held my face with my hand,

"Hey-!

"That's for being a complete idiot! I can't believe all you do is just stand there and _now _you're apologizing? Are you really that dumb?" I knew exactly what she was talking about, "You adults make _no _sense. How could you let the woman you love go that easily?"

She sighed seemingly calming down and shook her head, she returned back to her spot on the bed.

"She'll be back soon." Was the last thing either of them said to me. This was crazy but she was absolutely right, here I was being lectured by a little kid who made more sense in the world than I could. It felt awkward with the silent glares between the two, but I stayed. I'd wait for her until she got back…

* * *

Gakupo and I walked back from the store; luckily the neighborhood store wasn't far. We just grabbed a few necessities and of course Len and Rin's fruit.

"You seem to be happier lately, I'm glad." I looked up at Gakupo and smiled,

"I guess so." He smiled too and patted my head,

"You know you're my first actual friend – that's a girl anyways."

"Really?" That was surprising; I thought for sure he'd have at least one before. I began unlocking the door and laughed,

"Well I appreciate the honor," We both walked towards my room with all the goodies, "Len, Rin." I called and when I opened my door, I really, _really _wasn't expecting this.

I was in complete shock and I couldn't seem to move from my doorway, I heard Gakupo whistle behind me.

"There's a man sitting in Luka-chan's room, you bad girl." I blushed and walked forward; what was I supposed to do?

"Can I talk to you?" Kaito looked desperate and seemed serious. I nodded and I set the bags down on the coffee table. I noticed he wore the blue scarf I made him around his neck. My heart seemed to beat faster by the second and I really couldn't calm myself down.

"One second." I mouthed and followed Kaito to his room.

* * *

"Boyfriend?" Gakupo asked the twins, Len scoffed.

"He wishes." Rin nodded,

"He's going to screw up so be prepared when she comes back." Gakupo raised an eyebrow and returned to watching Gintama.

* * *

Kaito gave off a different aura than normal. His light and radiant personality seemed to be replaced with something much colder and darker.

I didn't know this Kaito.

"What's going on?" I asked, he turned to me and his eyes looked pained.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry. I've wanted to say that for a long time Luka." I felt my heart melt almost. But I knew I still didn't forgive him that easily.

"I think it's better you didn't defend me, it made me realize I need to fight my own battles." I think this surprised him, maybe he was expecting me to forgive him.

He walked closer towards me and grabbed my hand,

"Luka I really need to tell you-

"Kaito, we live next door to each other – we really need to just sit down and talk about it. Everybody is here so-

Kaito's face looked angered, "Your boyfriend is here." I narrowed my eyes,

"What are you-?

I was stopped short by what surprised me more. Kaito was kissing me! It was rough and I felt his tongue slip into my mouth. I felt him push me to a wall as he ran a hand up my leg…I really wanted to kiss him back but, I didn't want this – this wasn't how I wanted it to be. I knew this was wrong, and I knew I had to stop him.

And knowing that broke my heart in every possible way.

I used all my strength to push Kaito away, I felt like I was about to cry but I held it in. I gave Kaito one last look and turned away.

I couldn't believe Kaito kissed me like that.

* * *

**A lot of tension here I know. But I personally want to apologize because I feel like this chapter wasn't my best. You guys I literally kept rewriting this chapter four time already. (I wish I was kidding) So I apologize for that and the delay. **

**I hope you guys like this and remember to leave a review to tell me what you think about the story. Also about my grammar if there are any mistakes. **

**Love you guys,**

**Ghostly **


	6. Guarded

_Never Let Me Go_

I've never been the kind to hold back  
though I'd never felt the burn before  
and all these years I begged for vengeance  
and was only left with wanting more  
but I can't be whole until I let all this anger go,  
a silent strain I've carried long enough

Guarded – Kevin Daniels

* * *

Why wasn't I pissed off? Why wasn't I mad – why didn't I hate her? But I couldn't, no matter what her choice was – I just couldn't. I loved her too much and that scared and pained me. I was totally whipped and I knew there was no way out. I loved her but it still stung like hell. Why didn't she love me back? For a long time I always thought it'd be her and I; it didn't seem right any other way. But things were different this time, we weren't kids anymore. Maybe it was time I realized that because I can't move on. Luka wasn't always going to be the same insecure little girl anymore; she grew up into a beautiful woman. But I was selfish; I didn't want to give up on what we were – what we had.

Man, what the hell was I doing? I—

My cell phone vibrated and the screen light literally lit up my whole room. I sighed,

"Hey," light giggling that was obviously Miku.

"_Hello Kaito-kun~"_

"What's up?"

"_I wanna come over."_ She sounded weird, she never laughed like that.

"You're drunk."

"_Well maybe I am, let me come over and sober up_." I sighed and glanced at the clock, it was way pasted eleven.

"Where are you? I'll take you home." She groaned and I could just imagine her pouting face.

"_No~ my parents are home, I don't want to see them right now. Aren't your parents out of town anyways?"_ Miku loved to be difficult sometimes…but what could I do? I'm not going to say no to her. It was late and unfortunately I would take responsibility for her.

"Fine I'm coming."

* * *

I carried Miku to my bed and sat her down. She was at a college party of all places and was so drunk I had to carry her back to my place. _Luckily she was super light…_

I began walking to the door but I felt her small hand tug on my sleeve.

"Don't go…" I sighed,

"Let me get you something to drink, you're probably going to have a killer migraine in the morning." She smiled,

"Thank you for taking care of me," I tried to smile and she let go of her grip of my arm.

I always used to take care of Meiko's hangovers; it was a routine of mine. I expected her to be asleep when I came back but she was sitting up waiting for me.

"Here," She smiled and sipped the water. I leaned against the wall and watched her, she was very small and frail compared to Luka. Luka wasn't skin and bones, she was tall compared to a lot of the smaller girls (like Miku) and her body was a perfect hourglass, which oddly enough never seemed to match Luka's reserved, responsible personality. I silently cursed; she just couldn't leave me in peace, could she? I snapped out of my daze when Miku stood up and walked slowly towards me.

"Entertain me." She commanded as she stood up on her tippy toes inches from my lips, she gazed at me seductively.

She crushed her lips against mine as she ran her fingers through my hair. Something went through me - all I saw was lust in her eyes and I couldn't resist.

This was bad.

I picked her up as she wrapped her legs around my waist hitching her dress up in the process. We fought for dominance as her tongue explored my mouth. I pushed my hand further along her thigh, I felt her shiver and moan my name.

Shock instantly pulled me back into reality. Because that wasn't Luka's voice…it was Miku's.

I sat her down on the ground and pulled away far from her. I can't do this.

"Why are you stopping? We were just getting started." She said breathy and seductive.

"Wait," I tried to catch my breath, I can't do this I love Luka. She didn't listen to me as she smiled and ran her hand along my chest.

"I don't want to." She pushed her hands underneath my shirt and left kisses marks on my chest.

"I don't love you," She stopped as she peered at my face, "You're drunk, we can't do this Miku." She smiled,

"That's okay." _What the hell? She doesn't care?_ "I just think you're hot." I noticed the hickey marks on her neck and I understood. Miku and I were the same, we didn't actually like each other; we were just using each other.

I pushed her away, "Just get some rest Miku, I'll be in the living room." I didn't look at her as I began to leave the room,

"It's that broad Luka, right? Come on Kaito give it up." I narrowed my eyes.

"You're kidding right? Miku don't bring her into this—

"It won't be long until she's just like me, she probably loves having boys worship her at her alter."

"She's not you Miku." I closed my door and lay down on the couch.

It was better this way; at least Miku wasn't needy like I first preserved her to be. She was just looking for a good time. She wanted to claim me but I was never hers to claim.

I belonged to another girl that was just across that wall.

* * *

I didn't want to care; I was finally getting on the right track for once in my life. I was making friends, I didn't wake up and dread for the day ahead of me. I was finally feeling like life was getting a little bit easier and better. I can't ignore it because it hurts like hell, why did I have to get up and hear that?

I'm naturally a hard sleeper so why did I wake up? I woke up from the loud thud of the wall and I grew worried until I heard a moan. I wanted to be ignorant to it all but I couldn't and it hurt.

Why would he kiss me like that and still do things like that to another girl? Kaito, how could you? Do you take me as a fool? I don't want to believe you are using me; I don't want to believe any of it. Why did I ever fall in love with you?

I can't be here and listen to this…I stood up and grabbed my phone. I quickly pulled on my sweats and a hoodie. I quickly dialed,

"_Hello?" _

"I need you to meet me somewhere."

"_What? What's wrong-?_

"Please." I didn't want to be here, I didn't want to hear anymore.

"_It's late; I'll meet you downstairs to your apartment." _I sighed and hung up the phone.

I grabbed my keys and walked downstairs, I'd wait in the cold if I have to. I wiped the tears from my face as I sat down on the bench.

I stared up at the dark sky and cursed as I wiped my tears once more.

"I don't want to be here." I looked up at the man in front of me; he sighed and sat down next to me.

"Are you going to tell me why?" He whipped a tear from my cheek.

"Can I spend the night at your place?" I was desperate.

"Luka…" I stood up,

"Please," I whispered, he stood up as well and shook his head.

I was surprised how close we lived to each other; he lived in the apartments that were right outside of the twin's neighborhood.

When we walked inside and I grabbed his hand, "I'm an incredibly selfish person," I looked down and he grabbed my chin to look up.

"You're not," Tears began streaming once more,

"Make me forget, I don't want to remember." I hugged him and I felt him tense, I felt him pull me to the couch. He wrapped an arm around me as I leaned my head against his chest as he soothingly rubbed my back and sighed.

"Luka I can't do that to you, I care about you." I couldn't stop crying at this point, "I'm not going to take advantage of you."

"I'm sorry." I said in between my sobs, he continued to rub my back and run his fingers through my hair. I felt really comfortable, and my eyes lids were growing heavy.

"You make it hard you know, not to fall in love with you." My sobbing ceased and I fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

My mind was fuzzy and I didn't remember much…it felt different. I opened my eyes and came into view of white sheets. My eyes widened as I looked around, I didn't recognize this place at all. _Ohmygod what did I do last night?_

I was alone and the room was spacious, I quietly flipped the sheets and tip toed out the room. The smell of eggs filled my nose; I quietly peered into the kitchen.

I sighed out of relief and Gakupo turned and smiled,

"Good morning!" I smiled lightly and sat at the bar stools, "Do you remember last night?"

I ran my fingers through my hair finally remembering,

"I try not to." He handed me a plate and sat down beside me.

"Today is a new day Luka. I don't want to see any frowns, got it?" I smiled, "That's better!" I looked down and began taking small bites.

"I shouldn't have intruded you like this; I just couldn't possibly bring myself to call the twin's. It was really late."

"I know, you surprised me. But I don't blame you."

"I'm sorry; I just didn't know how to handle my emotions at the time."

"Luka were not perfect, it's okay to cry; we all do." He smiled, "I'm bad at a lot of things!"

"Like what?" He laughed,

"Well, I suck at putting my clothes away, I'm horrible with women, and I'm especially bad at making friends." I nudged his shoulder and actually laughed.

"You seem like the type that everybody would be around."

"Never judge Luka, you may be surprised by a lot of things you don't know." I smiled feeling better, his face turned serious as he gazed at me, "Just promise me you won't make a decision like that again. Don't give yourself up for some guy." We gazed at each other for a while in silence.

"Thank you," I whispered as I finished the rest of the food.

"Come on, let's get you home." I smiled and stood up; I don't know what I would of done if I didn't have a friend like Gakupo.

* * *

It felt so bright outside and it hurt my eyes, it was only ten in the morning and I already felt nauseous. I didn't feel good, I felt horrible for some reason after I left Gakupo's apartment. Gakupo walked me all the way up to my elevator just to make sure I was okay before we both said our goodbyes. I sighed as I opened the door.

"Where have you been Luka?" My eyes widened as I stood at the doorway in shock.

"Mom, Dad?" _You got to be kidding me._

* * *

Meet the parents! Mama and Papa Megurine are back in town! Luka's confused and Kaito has some serious explaining to do, uh oh. Okay, I know this is shorter than usual and I apologize! But I'm alive and this month is almost over, cheers! Let me know what you think and leave me a little review.

Love you guys,

Ghostly


	7. Need to Know

_Never Let Me Go_

_Roads in front of me  
Taking me astray  
Are you leaving me?  
Or are you leading the way?  
Can you hear what I'm saying? _

_Need to Know - Kris Allen_

* * *

I don't know how I'm supposed to be feeling right now. My parents are back and all I feel is suspicion – I just don't trust them. It's surprising enough that both of them are back _together._ But somehow I don't want to find out and I don't want the answers because I feel like I'll get hurt. In the end I'm always the one hurting and I'm tired of that. I don't want to see them, me being grounded by my absentee parent's is pathetic enough.

* * *

"_Where have you been Luka?" I closed the door behind me secretly pinching myself. _

"_When did you get back?" My mother glared at me and my father sighed,_

"_You were with a boy weren't you? I didn't think I raised a whore."_

"_Shizuka," my father warned, "Luka we thought you were more responsible than this?" I sat down while I prepared for a lecture._

"_Are you failing your classes?" Irritation boiled in my stomach,_

"_Stop, please just stop." I rubbed my forehead feeling the nausea coming again. _

"_We have the right to know Luka."_

"_You both barely come back after all this time and I'm being judged and lectured."_

"_Luka—_

"_To answer your question mother is yes, I'm still a virgin, and father I ranked first in the exams." I stood up and grabbed water from the fridge._

"_I'm still the perfect little daughter." I muttered._

* * *

I sat up when I heard the front door close, I opened my door finally thinking maybe they left but to my usual bad luck Dad was still here. I sighed as I sat on the couches across from where he sat.

"Where did mother go?" He folded the paper and looked up.

"She went to get take out."

"Figures," I wasn't really surprised by that, they both probably don't even know how to make a basic meal anymore. "So what's the occasion?"

"There doesn't need to be an occasion to be in our own home Luka."

"Yes there is, I haven't seen you since April of last year. I haven't seen Mother in three years. So what's going on?" My Father tried to stare me down like he did when I was little but I wasn't backing down.

"You've changed."

"You're changing the subject Father."

"Not just your looks…your personality." I tried very hard not to roll my eyes,

"Can we stop pretending like we're close?"

_Ding_

I sighed and answered the door. Meiko stood outside the door smiling but I before she spoke I hurriedly put a figure to my lips and mouthed 'balcony' she nodded and I silently closed the door.

"Who was that Luka?" I shrugged my shoulders,

"Someone must have played a prank." I walked towards my bedroom, "Goodnight." My father nodded and I closed and locked the door behind me.

* * *

"Whoa, your Dad is back?" I sighed and walked to the balcony,

"Close, both of them are." Meiko raised an eyebrow,

"What's the occasion?"

"That's what I'd like to know." She crossed to her end of the balcony but I couldn't help but hesitate. Meiko smiled and motioned me to follow her,

"Don't be a sissy Luka; if it helps he's not here." I smiled as I jumped to her end and entered Kaito's room.

"I feel like I'm breaking and entering."

"It'd be more fun if it weren't my little brother's room." I giggled as we crossed the hall to Meiko's. She pulled me into a hug,

"I've missed you Luka; but looks like I came at the right time." I smiled and rolled my eyes,

"I'm supposed to be grounded." Meiko nudged me,

"Even better, adds to the thrill of the night." I raised an eyebrow,

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, how would you like to get a taste of College?" I looked down, "No, no, and no. Don't give me that look Luka Megurine." I sighed and sat on Meiko's bed.

"Come on, you know I'm not a party type."

"Sometimes we need to experience the unknowns you can't always play it safe Luka." I ran a hand through my hair, "Rebel a little, it'll just make it more fun because you're _supposed _to be in bed sleeping but hey, here you are already sneaking out." I laughed and caved; it was simply too hard not to listen to her.

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet, now let's go get some pretty clothes on you." I looked down at my pajamas and blushed.

"My, my no wonder my little brother has been drooling all over you. Look at that bod!" My blush deepened.

"Meiko stop teasing me." She laughed and began rummaging through her closet of endless amount of clothes. Tonight I promised myself I wouldn't worry, I wouldn't think about all the negatives because tonight I was free. Meiko was right, I was always the responsible little Luka and I was tired of that. I just wanted to live for myself, not to anybody's expectations.

I was done with that and I wasn't turning back.

* * *

"Hold on, I forgot something in my room, I'll be right down." She nodded and the light click of her high heel boots were heard going towards the elevator. I walked back and was stopped,

"What are you doing?" I glared at my little brother and he looked pissed. _What is it now? _

"This is a bad idea." I peeled Kaito's grip off my wrist and grabbed my purse.

"It isn't good to spy on girls little brother."

"Meiko, guys are going to be there and hit on her. Are you going to protect her?" I narrowed my eyes.

"Is that a question?" I crossed my arms, "Because the obvious answer is _no shit._" I rolled my eyes and sighed, "If you're jealous you need to get over it for the night. Luka needs to have some fun not drama Kaito." He looked the other way not having anything to say and I took that as my queue to leave. "Have fun sulking!"

* * *

This was much different than my imagination. I thought there would be ten, twenty people tops but this place is filled to the max with literally a hundred people; maybe even more. I grew nervous and grabbed Meiko's arm so I wouldn't get lost in the sea of people. She smiled and held my hand,

"Don't worry I'm not going to lose you." I smiled and nodded feeling reassured. The music was thumping so loudly I felt the vibrations. It was really thrilling and exciting.

Meiko smiled and pulled out her sake bottle out of her purse with two cups.

"You came prepared." She winked at me as she poured me my drink.

"Hey Meiko, mind sharing a little?" Two guys walked in our direction and smirked.

"You'll have to get your own Ichirou," Ichirou stuck his tongue out,

"Stingy as always~" He said teasingly and the other guy smiled in my direction, I smiled lightly and then he said hello. I was quite shy is situations like these; I've always been socially awkward so I just blushed and said hello in return.

"I've never seen you around school? You close to Meiko?" Meiko suggested saying we were cousins to avoid confusion.

"Were family, I thought I'd tag along." I smiled lightly,

"My name is Kazuki,"

"Luka," We talked for a while and it was fun. For once in my life I didn't fumble my words or have an awkward silence; I was just being myself and it felt good. I smiled, laughed and had a good time and that didn't seem to happen often when I wasn't with the twins. At this moment I didn't worry about responsibility, I didn't think about my horrible parents or about _him._

I finished the rest of my drink and Meiko who was already drunk was leaning against me,

"Such intolerance Luka-chan!" I smiled feeling Meiko's warmth when Ichirou suggested to take us home, but I declined. I didn't know him and I'd rather take the train.

But he kept bugging us?

"Look, Meiko's even stumbling; let me take you home at least."

"Thanks for the offer but I can take her home." Ichirou frowned,

"You're drunk yourself." I rolled my eyes not really caring anymore,

"You're going a little too far with your offer now Ichirou-san."

"But—

"Your offer won't be needed anymore Ichigo." Kaito walked up and glared at him, he practically towered over him and he scoffed,

"Do whatever you want bro." He walked off looking obviously pissed, Kaito didn't say a word as he held Meiko up.

I was silent; I couldn't think what to say. I was pissed at the fact that my night was officially ruined thanks to that ass Ichirou. It felt awkward while we sat on the train home, but I'd rather put Meiko first than my insecurity around Kaito.

I grabbed a glass of water while Kaito put her to bed. I quietly entered and set the glass on her nightstand.

I followed Kaito into his room; I really didn't want to see him right now.

"You're a good friend." I stopped, "Even though my sister can be a handful." I turned around sighing,

"That's not what you really what to say," I folded my arms and he looked down,

"No, it isn't." I shook my head heading for the door but he grabbed my wrist,

"Luka—

"What are you going to do, kiss me again?" I said accusingly, I just didn't have it in me tonight. I didn't want to deal with this.

"I'm not."

"Then what!" I threw my arms in the air completely frustrated.

"Look just listen to me, you don't even have to believe me, just listen." I stood still as Kaito intertwined his long slender fingers that fit perfectly into my small hands. "I love you." I looked down and instead of butterflies, rainbows and fireworks; I just felt pissed. I pulled my hands from his,

"Your right, I don't believe you. But maybe Miku did."

He appeared confused and I glared, "You know you can't tell people you love them when the night before you were kissing another girl." His mouth hung open and I shook my head, "Love just doesn't work that way."

* * *

I felt like hell. I've been hauled in my room practically this whole weekend listening to my ipod. I didn't have the strength to deal with my parents. I avoided the world completely because all I wanted was peace.

I just couldn't handle this anymore, it hurt. I even broke down a couple times in the shower. I spent a majority of my time sleeping instead of being awake. I just didn't want to deal with life, I knew I was being a big baby but damn it, I just couldn't get a break.

I thought I was making progress, I thought I was finally doing well with my life. I was lost and I didn't know what to do.

I had school tomorrow…I cursed that wretched place and groaned at the thought. I wish I had a mom who would give advice…I wish I had a dad to protect me. When I thought about these things I always felt like an orphan. It was like I didn't even have parents to begin with. And it was sad, but what should I be sad about when they weren't really there for me to begin with?

Should I give them a chance? Should I reach out? Maybe I'll think about it in the morning…just not now…

I dreaded the morning sun to come.

* * *

**Some of you are probably thinking 'Is this really a Kaito x Luka fic? Where's all the love!' I know, I know, guys. Kaito keeps fucking up and that's sort of what guys do. (Especially the ones new to love) But hopefully things turn around in the next chapter!**

**Leave me a little review to let me know what you think! (It brings a smile to my face)**

**Love you guys!**

**Ghostly**


	8. The Song I Swore To Never Sing

_Never Let Me Go_

_You've found me out  
I need this time to breath  
Give me space, I'll give you me  
In time we'll sort this out  
I'll keep this secret safe with me  
I know you've earned the right_

_The Song I Swore To Never Sing – Moneen_

* * *

It's been a few days since my parents came back and it looks like they're staying. Everything was moving along so quickly and I actually talked to my father. Not an argument or even sarcasm- just a simple conversation and it felt normal. Maybe it was time to realize that they were staying, and we can finally start over and be an actual family; a real family.

I sat up and yawned. I felt incredibly tired this morning and the last thing on my mind was getting out of bed. I was very tempted to lie back down but I quickly got up before I fell back to sleep.

I walked to the bathroom and quickly showered and brush my teeth. Somehow it smelt like omelette's and orange juice? I peeked curiously to the kitchen to find my mother _actually _cooking.

"Have a seat Luka," My father said while reading the newspaper. I silently sat down and raised an eyebrow.

"I'm finally getting the hang of this again," My mother said happily and I was beyond confused by this point.

I just sat here like a bump on the log while my mother handed me my plate. I couldn't help but just stare at the perfect fluffy golden omelette.

"We wanted to talk," I figured this had to be a special occasion; my mother actually was in the kitchen, _cooking_. "We know you've been wondering why we have suddenly come back home," I waited silently for my father to continue while I picked at my food.

"Your mother is pregnant." This pain inside me instantly struck me, I didn't know what it was – it just hurt. I clenched my teeth, "We figured it was time to settle down and come home. We're going to take things slowly now—

I put my chopsticks down and stood up, "You know I really shouldn't have been surprised."

"Luka—

"I feel so stupid, how could I actually think you would both come back for _me?" _I grabbed my bag,

"Luka, sit down and stop being dramatic." I felt so pissed I just wanted to take the fucking plate and toss it across the room.

"You know what, _congratulations_; that's what you want me to say right? Maybe this time you both will be better parents."

My mother stood up and slapped me hard. I stumbled back from the sudden impact and fought the tears; I grabbed my bag and headed for the door but turned around before leaving.

"I don't want any part of this fake family anymore."

* * *

I have this hole. I don't know what it is but it's there. It burns sometimes and other times it just feels empty. Like something was meant to be there…I can feel it getting bigger – like it's consuming me. The pit of my stomach feels like a never ending free fall. It's weird—this feeling. It doesn't comfort me; far from that; it pains me. I'm broken; I don't think I was ever whole in the first place. Why does it hurt so much? Is this anger, hurt or disappointment? I could not tell, I don't think I could ever understand why I feel this way. My eyes are getting cloudy, I can't see very well. I—I just couldn't stop crying. This feeling won't go away.

"Luka," I looked up, "I got your text, what's wrong—

Kaito stood there surprised by my tears I assumed. I stood up, "I can't take dealing with this alone. So please, I want to forget everything that's wrong between us because right now I need you to be my friend." His eyes soften and he pulled me into a tight hug. His presence made me feel safe and everything felt right at this moment. I didn't remember the fighting or the hurt between us; I remembered his light. That was all I wanted, that was all I needed. We sunk to the ground together and he cradled me in his arms.

I must have fallen asleep in his embrace, I felt so secure and warm. I heard light breathing and I looked up; he was fast asleep while still holding me. I couldn't help but smile as I gazed at his face longer. I sighed and pulled his arms away.

"Kaito," I scooted away and shook him lightly, "Wake up."

He groaned and sat up, "Luka…?" I stood up from the hard ground and stretched.

"We fell asleep." I looked out the window, "School must be over already," I looked down and he was still sitting there. Why was he so red?

"Are you okay?" He quickly stood up and shook his head,

"I'm fine." I felt a little awkward now, "What are you going to do?" I really didn't think about this part. I sighed,

"I'm going to stay at Len and Rin's place for now. I need to think some things through." I grabbed my bag.

"Let me walk you there." I stopped and turned,

"I would like that." He smiled and walked by my side. It felt so natural, like he was meant to be here right beside me. Why did I have to remember in this perfect moment, the back of my mind constantly reminding me that I can't trust him? I loved him helplessly and all I wanted to do was hold his hand. But…

I can't, I'm scared.

We shortly arrived to the home and I stopped.

"Thank you Kaito." He held my gaze, his deep blue eyes intoxicating me.

"I'm sorry Luka," His bright eyes softened, "I shouldn't have pushed my feelings on you. That was stupid, just please, don't stop talking to me. Above everything else that has happened between us, I'll always be your friend first." I couldn't hold back the smile that formed on my lips.

"Just know that I love you Luka." He lightly kissed my forehead and I felt it, his love. It was so small but it impacted my heart so deeply. That was all I ever wanted, to be loved, loved by him. I stood there in a trance; he broke the contact and ruffled my hair.

"Hey—my hair," He just smiled and began walking the opposite direction. I could still feel his warmth, the intensity in his words, it left me wanting more. I wanted to hear and feel his love every day; I wanted him to spoil me with his affection.

_I can't keep fighting him; this feeling is becoming too strong._

* * *

**Family issues suck; I wonder what will happen next? So I'm being real slow with the updates lately. All I can say to that is **_**life**_**. I'm going to have time off from my regular schedule soon, meaning more writing time! Woot! Next chapter will be heading your way, real soon. **

**Quick shout out to Veline Shee! Thanks for reminding me about my lack of updates love, I seriously forgot. My mind has been wondering lately lol. **

**R&R**

**Love you guys,**

**Ghostly**


	9. Dark Paradise

_Never Let Me Go_

_Every time I close my eyes  
It's like a dark paradise  
No one compares to you  
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side_

_Dark Paradise – Lana Del Rey_

* * *

_Where was I? I can't see anything; I can't even see my own hands in front of me. I'm scared…But I won't stop walking. I need to get out of here, if that's even possible. _

_I looked around desperately for something, anything. I tried to call out, scream, anything! My voice didn't make a sound I was just walking alone for miles in complete darkness. I clenched my fists and glared at the darkness; I can't take any more of this._

"_Why is it so dark here, damn it!" I finally snapped I was going to get out of here one way or another._

_I started running and I wasn't going to stop; I'm tired of being alone. _

_I won't let things stay this way._

_I won't cry._

_Keep pushing, keep moving on. _

_Images of my past filled the darkness, of my parents; holidays spent alone, Kaito…_

_A white door appeared in front of me, I slowed my pace to a stop. My heart won't stop racing, why was I so nervous? It was such an odd feeling; I felt relief and maybe something more. _

_I smiled and turned the knob, this door was a symbol. Why did it take me this long to figure it out?_

_This whole time…A fresh start that was all I ever wanted. _

_I stepped out of the darkness into the brilliant light; I couldn't help but shield my eyes. I felt hands pull mine away and the scenery completely changed._

_The eternal light was replaced with a beautiful meadow full of Sakura trees and green grass._

"_Luka," his voice was sweet and tender, he caressed my cheek and I couldn't possibly look away. I smiled and rested my head against his chest._

_This was a dream, I knew that but it felt so right. Being in his arms felt so right, everything about him made me shiver at that moment. I can't even fathom the thought of…leaving him. _

_I felt him pull away from that force again like that one dream. No! I won't let it happen again! I wrapped my arms around him refusing to let go._

"_Don't go!" I cried and the pulling slowly began to cease. I looked up and he was smiling._

_My beautiful meadow began to crack and fade, why was he fading away? He's disappearing right before my eyes. He was saying something but I couldn't hear him anymore._

"_I love you…"_

* * *

It was warm…and squished. I blinked a few time and sighed I looked around my surroundings and everything came back; I was at Rin and Len's house. I smiled at the two twins clinging to my shirt.

_Snap_

I looked up startled; "You three are so cute together," Kako smiled and put her camera down.

"Wake up!" She yelled at the twins, they both sat up instantly.

"Damn it mom!" She glared at Rin and helped me up.

"Don't push it Rin." Len sighed and got up obediently. I smiled and followed behind the twins to the breakfast room. The room was grand and beautiful like the rest of the house. The walls were a light cream color with translucent light bluish grey curtains that draped the huge windows that reached the floor, the chandler hung above the light wooden table full of food.

"Why are you just standing there Luka, come eat!" I snapped out of my daze and sat between Len and Rin.

"No matter how many times I've been here it's always so elegant." Kako blushed and started laughing.

"It's typical to me." Len said with half a bacon in his mouth.

"Yeah it's not special." Kako rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Compared to my kids you obviously have very good taste Luka."

"Yeah right, if it weren't for us she'd still be wearing those huge glasses and braids." I blushed and looked down. "It's okay Luka you're our nerd."

Somehow it felt natural. Eating breakfast, laughing and joking I felt like I was a part of their family, was I getting ahead of myself?

It felt nice…

* * *

I have never started off a day like this. Smiling, talking and sharing a meal like a family. I cherished moments like these even if it may seem little. I never got to experience moments like these, I was always envious and maybe a little bitter towards others that were more fortunate than me.

I always ate alone.

_Ding_

Len ran off to open the door with Rin while I helped clean up.

"Lukaaaa this idiot is here to see you." My eyes widened as my heart sped up. I don't think I'm prepared to see him after a dream like that. My face had to be undeniably red right now. I could feel Kako's eyes watching my face and smiling.

I took a deep breath and put the plates down.

"I'll be right back," I mumbled

"Take your time~" She called cheerfully. I tried to keep my emotions in check the best I could…but it's getting a little bit hard not to think about my dream. It's still so vivid in my mind I keep getting flash backs.

"_I love you…" _

Damn it all, why did I just remember that? Ugh, I hope my face isn't red…

"Hey," I avoided his gaze and I could tell he was smiling.

"Want to go get a bite to eat?" I looked down,

"I just ate…"

"It's sashimi"

"I'll go." I said automatically, he laughed and Len looked confused.

"That was too easy," I blushed and punched his arm, "alright, ouch, sorry." I sighed.

"I need to ask first," He appeared confused.

"You can go honey," Kako smiled and walked to the door, "Hello there; you must be Luka's friend." He nodded and blushed.

"Yeah, uh, I'm—

"The big idiot," Rin finished.

"Kaito…" Kako glared at Rin,

"Excuse her," He tried to smile but it just felt so awkward. I laughed and walked up the stairs, Kako followed me up.

"I'm sure some of my clothes fit you Luka, we're about the same size." I blushed,

"I can't do that! You're already doing so much for me; I was going to change into my uniform." Kako pulled me by the arm into her room not listening to me.

"This should be funny." Rin followed behind us snickering.

* * *

I walked down the stairs completely embarrassed, I was not used to having this much attention. It was weird but I liked it, being here in this house felt so welcoming and I already didn't want to go.

Kako definitely out did herself this time. I wore a cream dress that reached three inches above the knee, a light grey knitted scarf with black tights and black ballet flats. The outfit was gorgeous.

I felt eyes watch me as I walked down the stairs; I tried not to blush but it was difficult not to!

"Ready?" I asked, he nodded silently and followed me to the door.

We walked several blocks in silence, my chest grew uneasy. I was so nervous! Why isn't he saying anything? He's normally the cheerful one; ugh my heart won't stop beating so fast!

"You sure are quiet." I mustered all my self-control to say that without my nervousness seeping in my voice.

"Sorry," I raised an eyebrow.

"You don't have to apologize." Well isn't this awkward…

"You surprised me back there," He smiled, "I can never imagine you asking for permission for anything."

"Yeah me neither," I smiled and pushed my hair behind my ear, "I owe them a lot."

"You sound happy; I'm glad." I couldn't stop smiling like an idiot.

We walked for a little while in silence but this time it wasn't uncomfortable and tense; it felt light and normal. It reminded me of not too long ago, when I always used to walk beside Kaito and it always felt so right.

I got so used to him always being with me that when he was gone I never felt so alone. Through all the stress and countless tears, I'm glad I experienced him not being around. I was always so dependent on him, but I don't want to be like that anymore.

I don't need Kaito; I _want_ him.

Somehow I think Kohaku's words changed me and I'm glad for that.

"So what are you going to do about…?" I knew what he was implying.

"I'm going to leave." He stopped walking and he looked surprised.

"_What?" _

I looked straight into his eyes not waving, "I've spent years thinking they'd put their work aside and come home for me."

"Dinners alone, going home to an empty apartment, and suddenly coming home after all this time acting like we can be a family." I battled against the tears but I needed to say it.

"Not once did they say they missed me or even loved me. I just can't anymore…"

Kaito hugged me and I closed my eyes, "I'll support you. I trust your judgment." His scent was drawing me in…I need to pull away now or...

I took a step back, "I'll get through this."

"And if you don't?"

"Then I'll keep trying until it happens."

* * *

Why did she always seem so strong? Even when she's vulnerable she always seems to pull herself together. I want to protect the woman I love but she'd never let me do that. She never wanted me to protect her in the first place, she wanted my support and if that's what she wanted I would gladly do that. I can't fuck up this time. For the first time in so long I can walk beside her, talk to her, be there for her…I won't push my feelings on her but somewhere deep inside I want to hold her hand, touch her tenderly, and show her how much I really love her.

Somehow I'm always left wondering what she's thinking; Luka always kept my guessing. Does she love me more than just her childhood friend? Would she consider us as something more? I have some many questions but I can't burden her, I can only wait for her.

I'm left at a standstill…I don't want our relationship to reach a dead end.

"Kaito," I blinked and glanced at Luka, "You're being quiet again. What are you thinking about?"

"It's nothing." I smiled a small pain in my heart stung; I didn't like to lie to her. "Can I see you tomorrow?" She smiled lightly and pushed her hair behind her ear out of habit.

"Sure," The little things she does make my heart pound in my chest. We stopped in front of the huge house and Luka turned towards me and smiled.

"Thanks, for checking up on me."

"I'll always be here. Call me if anything happens." I took a step forward ignoring my beating heart and lightly kissed the top of her head.

_I love you._ I thought silently and I took a step back and made my way home. I refused to say goodbye to her. I hated goodbyes; I just wanted her to know I wasn't leaving; I wasn't going to be like her parent's.

Maybe one day I'll hear her say those words. Until then I'd wait for her patiently and quietly support her because I loved her and that was all that mattered to me.

* * *

**It's been awhile since I wrote in Kaito's POV. I wanted to show some fan service of love stricken Kaito. Looks like things are going well for them so far oo la la. I wonder what will happen next!? Thanks for reviewing you guys! I look forward to your comments and thoughts and such.**

**Xoxo**

**Ghostly**


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